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Experiencing rejection, particularly when it occurs frequently, is far from pleasant. Someone is saying no, giving a clear “Not interested.” Working in writing, I am no stranger to rejection. I started proposing story ideas 50 years back, just after finishing university. From that point, I have had several works rejected, along with nonfiction proposals and many essays. During the recent score of years, concentrating on commentary, the denials have grown more frequent. On average, I face a rejection multiple times weekly—amounting to in excess of 100 annually. Overall, denials in my profession exceed a thousand. At this point, I could have a master’s in rejection.

However, does this seem like a complaining outburst? Not at all. Because, at last, at the age of 73, I have come to terms with rejection.

In What Way Have I Managed It?

For perspective: At this point, just about everyone and their relatives has said no. I’ve never kept score my win-lose ratio—it would be quite demoralizing.

For example: not long ago, an editor turned down 20 pieces in a row before accepting one. A few years ago, at least 50 book publishers declined my memoir proposal before a single one approved it. Later on, 25 agents passed on a nonfiction book proposal. A particular editor suggested that I submit my work only once a month.

My Steps of Setback

In my 20s, every no hurt. I took them personally. I believed my creation was being turned down, but who I am.

As soon as a piece was turned down, I would start the phases of denial:

• Initially, disbelief. Why did this occur? Why would they be blind to my skill?
• Next, refusal to accept. Maybe they rejected the incorrect submission? This must be an oversight.
• Third, dismissal. What can they know? Who made you to decide on my work? You’re stupid and their outlet is poor. I refuse this refusal.
• After that, anger at them, followed by self-blame. Why do I do this to myself? Could I be a martyr?
• Subsequently, pleading (preferably mixed with false hope). What will it take you to recognise me as a exceptional creator?
• Sixth, despair. I’m no good. What’s more, I can never become any good.

So it went for decades.

Great Precedents

Naturally, I was in good company. Stories of authors whose books was originally declined are numerous. The author of Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Nearly each writer of repute was first rejected. Because they managed to succeed despite no’s, then maybe I could, too. The sports icon was not selected for his youth squad. Many American leaders over the last 60 years had been defeated in elections. Sylvester Stallone says that his movie pitch and bid to appear were turned down 1,500 times. “I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle to wake me up and keep moving, rather than retreat,” he remarked.

The Final Phase

Then, when I entered my 60s and 70s, I reached the last step of rejection. Understanding. Today, I grasp the multiple factors why a publisher says no. For starters, an editor may have recently run a like work, or be planning one underway, or just be thinking about a similar topic for someone else.

Or, less promisingly, my idea is not appealing. Or maybe the evaluator feels I lack the credentials or reputation to succeed. Perhaps isn’t in the business for the wares I am submitting. Or didn’t focus and scanned my submission too quickly to recognize its value.

Feel free call it an awakening. Anything can be rejected, and for whatever cause, and there is virtually not much you can do about it. Some reasons for denial are forever not up to you.

Manageable Factors

Others are your fault. Let’s face it, my ideas and work may from time to time be flawed. They may not resonate and impact, or the idea I am struggling to articulate is not compelling enough. Alternatively I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Maybe a part about my grammar, especially dashes, was annoying.

The point is that, in spite of all my years of exertion and rejection, I have managed to get recognized. I’ve published several titles—the initial one when I was in my fifties, my second, a memoir, at older—and more than numerous essays. Those pieces have been published in magazines big and little, in local, national and global sources. My debut commentary was published when I was 26—and I have now written to various outlets for five decades.

Yet, no major hits, no signings publicly, no appearances on talk shows, no Ted Talks, no honors, no big awards, no Nobel, and no medal. But I can more readily accept no at 73, because my, humble successes have cushioned the jolts of my frequent denials. I can afford to be thoughtful about it all at this point.

Instructive Rejection

Setback can be instructive, but when you pay attention to what it’s indicating. If not, you will almost certainly just keep seeing denial incorrectly. What insights have I gained?

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